Soooooooooooooooooo
For the past several months I’ve been becoming increasingly more of a cunt. I know that, I’m aware of that. I’ve been acting on impulse a lot and I have treated a lot of people poorly. That isn’t who I am and I’m disappointed with myself for letting it represent me in the final chapter of my 6+ years in Roblox political groups.
I think that the absolute biggest cause of it all is when I started to feel unappreciated. At the end of 2019 and through the start of 2020 I was handling over 100 cases per month, which is just an absolutely mental amount of work. Like seriously, ask any judge or lawyer. That shit is mind-numbing. Still, all the talk on the forums and the Discords and everywhere was that the Judicial Branch was inactive and that none of the judges cared or anything. Theres so many people who said stuff like that and I read all of them but I don’t have time to respond to every person and explain why the systems backed up and what I’m trying to do, so instead they just made me sad. Meanwhile Jef was of course ramping up a shit ton of bad publicity and giving the SC/JB a bad reputation (which he apologized to me for) and it all just came together and made me stop feeling motivated to do anything. It felt like not a single person appreciated my work so I just stopped. Why do anything if all I get is hate, ya know?
SO life moved on. I joined another community to occupy my time and got a job. Meanwhile, whenever I hopped on here, again all I see is the hate comments, and so I lash out. I act impulsively and I’m mean to people. I’ve even fucked up relationships with my own judges and friends. I’ve acted unprofessionally and contrary to my position and to the honor which it holds. I’ve broken promises I made when I was nominated and when I was confirmed.
I know explaining this doesn’t excuse my shit and I am sorry for it. I’d resign but that would just cause more harm than good. A shitty CCJ is better than no CCJ with how few people we have qualified to be judges.
Enough ranting, though, this post is about the future. An apology means nothing if I don’t fix shit. Personally, I’m going to be working on maintaining my composure. That means acting professionally and being aware of the weight my words and actions carry. I’ve struggled too much with trying to act like I’m just any rando non. My position is supposed to be the most respected in the state and I’ve made a joke of it, so I need to earn the respect back for the position. Special apology there to my predecessors, Float and Danny. Y’all did the bench well. Idk how you did it.
For the Courts discord, I’m changing the way we do things. I want the Discord to be a place for understanding and compassion. A lot of people join the Discord and don’t know simple things and decide they need to ping me or another court official for it. It is understandably annoying for both us and the people trying to have a conversation in #lobby, but it is not reason to belittle them and be hostile towards them. Please, if you’re in my Discord and you see someone like that, either try to be positive and helpful or just ignore them. I don’t want anymore negative vibes.
@MarshallJAddison @Ogax @thekerbal @NinWin1 @PixelatedDorito I want all of us to be more lenient with mod commands. Don’t speaking gone/ban people for every little thing under the sun. I’m guilty of plenty of this myself. Verbal warnings and actual !warn warnings would be appreciated first. A lot of people who get the speaking gone role/get banned don’t even realize what they’re doing is wrong because we tend to set a very shitty example for what is allowed in our discord (since we break the rules constantly ourselves).
I don’t expect to have my apology accepted right now. I’ve been fucking up for, like, 5 months. I am going to work to be better, though, and hopefully I can earn it soon enough.
